Friends with Benefits: A womans perspective...

Now, there's that old rule that you're not supposed to have sex unless you're married. However we ALL know premarital sex is WRONG according to religious materials but this post will not be about a religious debate about sex with people and not being married. This post is about the perspective of a woman on the topic of entering an agreement (right or wrong) to have occasional sex without strings attatched. I'll leave the religious stuff out of this one as to not spark a religious debate or offend my readers. This is strictly my view/opinions and mine only.

Getting straight down to it, when two people enter into an agreement to have occasional sex without the emotional attachment things can go one of two ways. Either bad or good. There is NO gray areas when it comes to matters of physical pleasure. Some people I know who are actually involved in "Friends with benefits" situations are actually handling things maturely...that is for now anyway. Then I know others who have engaged in "Friends with benefits" and it totally destroyed the dynamics of the "friendship" that was supposed to be maintained and respected throughout said "FwB" agreement. The way I see it is, if you are going to enter into something like "FwB" both parties MUST absolutely be honest up front and throughout, mature, and able to really keep a grip on the fact that YOU ARE ONLY going to be JUST FRIENDS and nothing more. Time and time again I see people having feelings and not being able to separate the sex from lust and ultimately confusing their "friend's" actions with something deeper. Jealousy almost always finds its way into the equation whether said or unsaid. Both people in the "FwB" relationship must be clear that catching feelings is a NO GO. However this "no catching feelings" rule is almost ALWAYS broken. Mostly by women though majority of the times that I have witnessed. I personally do NOT put myself in situations such as "FwB" because I know I will probably catch feelings. I have some extremely HOT male friends so being in a "FwB" type thing will kill my friendship with them. I am mature enough to know that "FwB" doesn't work well for me so I just rather not. In these days and times more people are venturing into "FwB" because they feel its a way to get physical needs met without the hassle of a relationship based on feelings and love. Too many people in my opinion are lying to themselves and being LAZY. The women are lying to themselves (I know because I was one of them long ago) thinking they can get their "Friend" to change their mind eventually and be with them in an actual relationship and the men are being LAZY and running from the idea of committing. Men tend to put their own selfish needs first before really considering their actual "friendship" with the woman. Men most commonly think "well as long as she's with it and I'm getting what I want its all good!".

Once the "FwB" situation has gone on long enough it's like "ok...where do we go from here?". Thats the hard part. In my eyes its almost like the guy is saying "I don't want to be in a committed relationship with you but I will have sex with you....until something better comes along" and women are just allowing it thinking they can change the male's mind. Once the guy finds a more permanent partner the woman is left wondering "What the hell's wrong with me?" "Why didnt he want to be in a relationship with me?" Honestly its because you allowed HIM to get the cookies without having to work hard and now he wants something NEW. A challenge even. Although there are instances of successful "FwB" situations they are RARE. I believe the people involved have to be on the same level of the initial friendship. Meaning one person cannot secretly be wanting MORE from the "FwB" situation than the other. In otherwords it's going to take a healthy dose of maturity with a side of MUTUAL understanding in order to preserve a friendship AFTER the "FwB" relationship is over and both parties have moved on. Women tend to "think" they can handle "FwB" relationships but women are typically more emotionally invested than the male. Sex no matter which way you do it BONDS two people together on a deeper level. Once you have gone "there"...you cannot take it back. You have mixed and combined your bodily chemicals together and became ONE for a moment or two or three in time. Men don't typically think about that part...they seem to think more on the "getting off" part and then things are back to normal. No sleep overs, no cuddling, no big romance thing....just hit it and go. When women understand this all of a sudden they feel "dogged" but they can't express it because they KNEW the situation and made a choice to go along with it. To enter into any form of sexual agreement it takes a great deal of equality one must not be feeling more or less than the other for it to be successful and both parties walk away unscathed and the "friendship" still in tact.






~BTJM (ButThatsJustMe)