Friends with Benefits: A womans perspective...

Now, there's that old rule that you're not supposed to have sex unless you're married. However we ALL know premarital sex is WRONG according to religious materials but this post will not be about a religious debate about sex with people and not being married. This post is about the perspective of a woman on the topic of entering an agreement (right or wrong) to have occasional sex without strings attatched. I'll leave the religious stuff out of this one as to not spark a religious debate or offend my readers. This is strictly my view/opinions and mine only.

Getting straight down to it, when two people enter into an agreement to have occasional sex without the emotional attachment things can go one of two ways. Either bad or good. There is NO gray areas when it comes to matters of physical pleasure. Some people I know who are actually involved in "Friends with benefits" situations are actually handling things maturely...that is for now anyway. Then I know others who have engaged in "Friends with benefits" and it totally destroyed the dynamics of the "friendship" that was supposed to be maintained and respected throughout said "FwB" agreement. The way I see it is, if you are going to enter into something like "FwB" both parties MUST absolutely be honest up front and throughout, mature, and able to really keep a grip on the fact that YOU ARE ONLY going to be JUST FRIENDS and nothing more. Time and time again I see people having feelings and not being able to separate the sex from lust and ultimately confusing their "friend's" actions with something deeper. Jealousy almost always finds its way into the equation whether said or unsaid. Both people in the "FwB" relationship must be clear that catching feelings is a NO GO. However this "no catching feelings" rule is almost ALWAYS broken. Mostly by women though majority of the times that I have witnessed. I personally do NOT put myself in situations such as "FwB" because I know I will probably catch feelings. I have some extremely HOT male friends so being in a "FwB" type thing will kill my friendship with them. I am mature enough to know that "FwB" doesn't work well for me so I just rather not. In these days and times more people are venturing into "FwB" because they feel its a way to get physical needs met without the hassle of a relationship based on feelings and love. Too many people in my opinion are lying to themselves and being LAZY. The women are lying to themselves (I know because I was one of them long ago) thinking they can get their "Friend" to change their mind eventually and be with them in an actual relationship and the men are being LAZY and running from the idea of committing. Men tend to put their own selfish needs first before really considering their actual "friendship" with the woman. Men most commonly think "well as long as she's with it and I'm getting what I want its all good!".

Once the "FwB" situation has gone on long enough it's like "ok...where do we go from here?". Thats the hard part. In my eyes its almost like the guy is saying "I don't want to be in a committed relationship with you but I will have sex with you....until something better comes along" and women are just allowing it thinking they can change the male's mind. Once the guy finds a more permanent partner the woman is left wondering "What the hell's wrong with me?" "Why didnt he want to be in a relationship with me?" Honestly its because you allowed HIM to get the cookies without having to work hard and now he wants something NEW. A challenge even. Although there are instances of successful "FwB" situations they are RARE. I believe the people involved have to be on the same level of the initial friendship. Meaning one person cannot secretly be wanting MORE from the "FwB" situation than the other. In otherwords it's going to take a healthy dose of maturity with a side of MUTUAL understanding in order to preserve a friendship AFTER the "FwB" relationship is over and both parties have moved on. Women tend to "think" they can handle "FwB" relationships but women are typically more emotionally invested than the male. Sex no matter which way you do it BONDS two people together on a deeper level. Once you have gone "there"...you cannot take it back. You have mixed and combined your bodily chemicals together and became ONE for a moment or two or three in time. Men don't typically think about that part...they seem to think more on the "getting off" part and then things are back to normal. No sleep overs, no cuddling, no big romance thing....just hit it and go. When women understand this all of a sudden they feel "dogged" but they can't express it because they KNEW the situation and made a choice to go along with it. To enter into any form of sexual agreement it takes a great deal of equality one must not be feeling more or less than the other for it to be successful and both parties walk away unscathed and the "friendship" still in tact.






~BTJM (ButThatsJustMe)

Asking for forgiveness in the last days....

Psalm 86:15,16 But thou, O Lord, art a God full of compassion, and gracious, longsuffering, and plenteous in mercy and truth. O turn unto me, and have mercy upon me;… 


~BTJM (ButThatsJustMe)

The difference between F*ck OFF & F*cked Up...

One minute we're good and the next ???

Kim Kardashian & Reggie Bush

So a friend and I were having a conversation a few days ago about people who dont communicate to a person they are no longer interested in that they want to be left alone/stop communicating & just plain end things. My take on this issue is that people are NOT mind readers. The world would be a MUCH better place if people learned to clearly and effectively communicate and express themselves so that there is no mistake, frustration, resentment or residual anger from the dumper or the dumpee so to speak. I think it is cold to just leave a person wondering why you arent answering their texts or calls when it was just "all good" a few days ago. Now I dont want my friend to think this blog is about her or her situation because it isn't. I just so happen to be going through this very thing at the moment and am recognizing how it makes me feel to be on the rejected end of the stick so to speak. I'm far from a "loser" or unattractive or a bama if you will. No issues there. I'm not a stalker or a whiner and am not desperate or needy for attention. All I ask is that in a relationship be it friends, lovers, life partners, confidant's ect, is that people communicate what they are feeling. If you dont want to be involved with a person anymore then SIMPLY SAY SO. Why is it so hard or too much for a person to just say "hey...its been interesting but I have way too much on my plate in my life right now that I just need to be alone to think and would like to not pursue anything further with you". See when people that dont want to be involved anymore don't communicate these things the door is left wide open for frustration and it definitely doesnt stop the person you dont want to be involved with from calling, emailing, texting, IM'ing, stopping by ect...thus resulting in them being made out to look like a stalker like they are just supposed to "get the hint". Im sorry for you "the dumper"'s confusion but it just doesnt always work out that way. Sometimes dumpee's just ginuinely care and are concerned about your well being so when you start acting distant and not returning calls or answering / responding the dumpee's tend to think something very serious is going on with you and they go into "caring friend" mode when in reality all you (the dumper) want is to be left alone and to end things or move on ect. Again people are NOT mind readers. Just simply say "its been fun but I need to not be involved with you because I have different things Im working on or towards that do not involve you". Stop being a scaredy cat and break the shit off. No one foot in and one foot out thing. Just simply let go completely without leaving room for the dumpee to guess whats going on with YOU. Its selfish to just cut all communication without explanation or formal discussion about it. People are becoming more and more socially inept these days. Our minds are so clouded with bull shit that we dont know the difference between reality and fiction. We just accept what we "think" is the social norm based on what we see on that damn idiot box (television) and we call it entertainment not realizing that we are totally acting out what we saw on it and in movies in our every day lives. We have to do BETTER at communication. I can garentee that if we express ourselves in a CLEAR, RESPECTFUL & HONEST way there would be less homicides, suicides, rapes/attacks ect. Its the unknown that people fear most. Remeber there is a fine line between being honest and just being a fucked up and rude individual. So why not save YOURSELF and others some time and just be upfront, be open and most importantly BE HONEST...tell the person to leave you alone if you really want them to leave you alone.

~BTJM (ButThatsJustMe)

The power of two...a King & Queen

My emotions flow deep as oceans he got me caught up in a rip tide...a place of conscious love with thoughts of him Im open wide. Litterally and physically my mental takes my body on a journey envisioning a life with him clearly in my mind. We text we talk we feel we meet up in the spiritual we combine the two of us together can stand the test of time. The wait the wonder the curiosity of the meeting thats to come something I want so badly my faith says he'll be mine. I believe he's made for me he's my perfect fit, like 2 stars in the sky together we will shine.

~BTJM (ButThatsJustMe)

Throwback TUESDAYS!!!!!

This song reminds me of him....I hope he knows how much he means to me.

~BTJM (ButThatsJustMe)

Facts of LIFE...REAL LIFE...

Similar gun to the one that was used by the man who tried to kidnap me in July of 1991.....

Now most people that really KNOW ME WELL know that I came from the hood straight out of North East Washington DC. I lived there for 11 years....1982-1993 on North Capitol Street to be exact. I lived in a rooming house with a bunch of other people NON BLOOD RELATED but we were all pretty close over the years and became LIKE family. Where I lived there were PLENTY of hustlers, goons, gangstas whatever you want to call them and they too were like family to me, my mom and my older brother. They were hood niggas forreal gun toting, drug dealing, thugged out dudes. Although they did those things they NEVER EVER tried ANYTHING to hurt me and my family. They were always HELPFUL & RESPECTFUL to me, my brother and my mom. If they were out on the block on or their porch and saw me walking to or from school, or to the carryout or save more market alone they would ALWAYS make sure I got there SAFELY. I respect them because they watched out for the neighborhood kids such as myself and my big brother. I really respected them because they saw the potential my brother and I had and they WANTED us to make it out of the hood so they NEVER encouraged us to sell drugs....instead...they ALWAYS told us to go to school and if we got good report cards they bought us stuff or gave us money. Because they respected my mom so much they NEVER gave us money or things that came from selling drugs but it came from their hard earned money from their JOBS. Yes these hustlers, goons gangsta's had JOBS too. In no way am I depicting these guys to be the type to run from a gun fight or were weak. Not even! Its been plenty of nights gun shots went off and bullets flew through windows because of other hoods comin through starting shyt in the alley's behind my crib. The one thing I can honestly say about these guys is that they did teach me & my brother some things about the streets and how to be safe and what drugs are and why we should NEVER EVER touch them. It was because they didnt want us to be and live like them.....they wanted us to be BETTER than them even though they had real jobs too. See these guys KNEW that selling dope was hurting the people in their community but what could they do about another persons CHOICE to get high? I know I know what yall are thinkin "dont sell drugs" but hell who am I /we to judge? Anyhow, These men are examples of not being perfect human beings BUT they did have some kind of limitations on what they were doing and they never physically harmed any innocent or defenseless person by robbing, killing, beating, assaulting ect. HOWEVER....they were NOT to be f*cked with. They operated on the principle "dont start nothin it wont be nothin." This meant you bring drama and bull shyt to us and we WILL do YOU in. I can vouch for times when a crack head tried to get over and they beat that ass or some random dumb n*ggas from other hoods came testin the waters in my hood and they got their heads caved. I have often seen deals go down or go bad as a kid but it never phased me because I knew my family and I were safe. I also knew NEVER to snitch about what I had seen or even heard in my neighborhood....snitching lead to very serious consequences for folks. Because I had been taught about snitching I NEVER became one which leads to the NEXT piece of my background.....

So by the time I was 7 I was extremely street smart having learned so much from my older brother, my mom and the neighborhood in general. I walked around as I pleased to school, the play ground, the stores, etc and didnt too much have to worry about people doing anything to me because everyone looked out for me as a kid but I still had a watchful eye as I was taught. By the time I was 9 some folks made it out the hood, some didnt (RIP), and I still had plenty of knowledge of how to handle situations if necessary. One day my mom sent me to the corner store to get a soda. Earlier that day a lady who was a drug addict came and stopped by to say hello to my neighbor and my mom. When my mom sent me to the store that day the lady who stopped by had been long gone to wherever it is that she goes to do her business. I get less than half a block away from my house and some guy pulls up in a black BMW at the intersection of North Capitol & Randolph drunk as hell all up on the curb and shyt right in front of me rolled down his window and pulls his silver barreled hand gun out and points it at me. He then asks " Where's Ya****e at?" and I respond "I dont know...havent seen her since earlier." His bitch ass says "Get in the car!" and Im not gonna lie I was scared SHYTLESS because thats the first time that ever happened to me and mind you it was broad daylight and I was only 9 YEARS OLD. He was such a sucka ass n*gga for that! Ugghhh! So as he reached to open his door (I guess he was gonna try and snatch me) but by the grace of GOD I was too quick for him I turned my back and hauled ASS running in a zig zag all the way to my house incase that dude started shooting. Once I got to my house I told my mom what just happened and why I didnt come back with her soda and she went BROOKLYN style crazy! LMAO My mom went outside no shoes a steel pole and a knife she called a "ni&&a sticka" and was ready for war...LOL!!!! By that time the guy was long gone but I'm glad I had the opportunity to learn what I learned from the people in my neighborhood, my mom and big brother. I wasnt bothering nobody, I was minding my damn business and almost became a kidnap/murder victim at the age of 9. This is what I mean about stupid muthaf*ckas with guns that do senseless shyt to people who are harmless and innocent. I wish more victims could have been as fortunate as myself. Such is life and it shouldnt be this way but it is and we have to better prepare and protect ourselves and our loved ones. Not every hustler, drug dealer, goon is a totally bad person. But there are some straight FOOLS out here who are mental and let things like jealousy, envy, hatred take over their life and cloud their vision and judgement so they go around killing/harming innocent people. Lets just be more aware in these streets. Its real out there.





~BTJM (ButThatsJustMe)

Rest In Peace......

According to MTVNEWS.com they are reporting that 22yr old Montae "M Bone" Talbert 1/4th member of the group Cali Swag District was shot and killed last night (May 15th 2011) at 10:30pm. His death aparently caused by a drive by shooting which resulted in M Bone being shot 2 times in the head while seated in his black unknown vehicle in the 400 blk of North Labrea in Inglewood. Sources say M Bone was alive at the scene and later pronounced dead at a local hospital.

My personal thoughts and prayers are with the family, group members of Cali Swag District and friends of Montae "M Bone" Talbert. I pray that whoever is responsible for taking this young promising life away is punished to the fullest extent of the law.

Also I just want to add that people seem to have little to no regard for life anymore. Its really sad that things like jealousy, envy and hatred are so common and unrecognizable to people within themselves. Its time that many of us take a HARD look at ourselves in the mirror and adjust our own lives in practical, spiritual and financial ways LEGITIMATELY to have the things and be the best person we can be. We need to start looking past what OTHERS have and look at whats INSIDE of YOU to make great things happen in YOUR LIFE. All things can be achieved through CHRIST JESUS! Claim it in the LORDS NAME & pray on it! People dont want to do that anymore....they need to realize the power of prayer. IT IS REAL. If you dont know how to pray and talk to GOD, go to a local church & ask them to pray for & with you. Its FREE. Absolutely NO CHARGE. If you murder & kill for wealth you LOSE EVERYTHING in the end. EVERYTHING. I'm not going to totally preach here but this was an act of SENSELESS VIOLENCE....people WAKE UP! The Devil has us turning against eachother and we're playing into his hand...WAKE UP!!!

REST IN PEACE: MONTAE "M BONE" TALBERT....

~BTJM (ButThatsJustMe)

Big K.R.I.T. on the RISE!

One of my FAV top 5 Rappers of ALL time...yeah I said ALL TIME!!! Big K.R.I.T. is swiftly & quickly climbing up through industry ranks. His lyrical versatility and style is impeccable. I can't say enough about this rising artist. Genius. His release of SEVEN mixtapes with all his OWN material and beats its safe to say EVERYONE who's a rapper, artist,musician may want to get in on the ground floor and work with Big Krit. His current mixtape Return of 4eva is definitely worth ALL the positive hype its receiving. Dont believe me? Check it out for yourself.

~BTJM (ButThatsJustMe)

To HIM....

Dedicated to "HIM"....He touches me in ways I never knew existed. If I blinked one time I surely would have missed him. My mind and heart cant control what its feeling..praying for the day to come when we're under the same ceiling. Far apart we are different states we reside in, a trip I'll have to take to create a new beginning tighten up loose ends and mending new ones should be thrillling. Taking things slow at first as we both are simply chillin. The odds of us meeting one another really one in a million the more we talked we got to know by simply listenin. I dont need him BUT I want him please believe there is a difference...to make it on my own with out him I'd be missin. Im just glad that we have met in my life he truely is a blessing.

~BTJM (ButThatsJustMe)

GOIN SMACK IN DC!!! Jonin!

If you need a laugh....watch this! DMV stand UP!

~BTJM (ButThatsJustMe)